Saturday, July 16, 2005

Journal of a Living Lady #250
Nancy White Kelly

All optimists can say amen to William Ward’s renowned quote: “A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.” It is all in attitude.

With acknowledgement to Paul Harvey, this is the rest of the story about my surgery for blepharoptosis. A month has passed. My attitude about plastic surgery has changed from an immediate, “I wish I hadn’t” to an eventual, “I am glad I did.”

I detest the ugly advertising billboards that curtail the panoramic view of the nearby mountains. Yet, I can read them now without the slightest effort to raise my eyebrows. The clouds above me have seemingly doubled in height. They appear as voluptuous curtains surrounding the vault of heaven. The Beatles sang in the 60’s, “I can see clearly now.” So can I. The only question to ask is, “What took me so long?”

For a couple of weeks after my droopy eyelids were surgically eliminated, my face looked as if Rocky Balboa and I had gone at least three rounds. Large bruises around my puffy eyes went from maroon-red to an ugly dark purple. Prickly stitches protruded from the far corner of each eye like unruly weeds.

Ten days after my surgery, still house-bound, I looked for my Buddy, the best husband and male nurse anywhere. I had a honey-do request, but could see from the den window that he was busy. Buddy was far out in the pasture rubbing Fly-Off on the horses.

Donning sun glasses and a wide-brimmed hat, I ventured to the post office myself. The disguise didn’t help. Heads turned several times.

I can read minds. Most of the curious lookers assumed that I was the victim of spousal abuse. A few thought that surely I deserved it.

All I wanted was my stamps and a hasty exit. Unfortunately the man in front of me was attempting to mail packages to Tahiti. The quick glances in my direction were bothersome. While impatiently tapping my foot, I thought of a few things I would like to have had printed on my over-sized tee-shirt: “Keep staring. I’ll show you my tongue piercing and dentures.”

Because the removal of my droopy eyelids was so successful, I have seriously considered Lasik surgery for the first time. It could put an end to my near-sightedness and astigmatism. Friends warn me that Lasik would not eliminate my need for reading glasses. I already have several pair of the drugstore type scattered around the house. Reading spectacles are a nuisance, but I could live with the hassle for reading.

Yet, there is that issue of green stuff. I accepted financial reality long ago. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Never will there be a federal Santa Claus coming down the chimney with a voucher for laser eye surgery. Regulation 20/20 says that Medicare doesn’t consider shedding glasses a medical necessity.

Money is an object of consideration in our household. As with most Social Security recipients, the sugar bowl gets pretty empty by the end of each month. Buddy will eat oatmeal only so often.

If my blatant poor mouthing and lack of total visual acuity is causing tears of pity to flow, grab a tissue and a pen. Send your 401K to the Kelly Total Vision Fund, 6156 Southern Rd., Young Harris, GA. Though it isn’t tax deductible, you can sleep well tonight knowing that you have helped replug the fountain of youth and given even clearer sight to one matronly lady. On second thought, save your cash. You would just be throwing good money after bad. If I live long enough, I will surely have cataracts that will obscure my vision again.

The living lady is truly content, happy and grateful. And, I actually have a sister named Sunnie.

Be it hereby known that Nancy White Kelly is blessed beyond measure even if wearing glasses on a cloudy day.

No comments: