Friday, January 29, 2010

Journal of a Living Lady #364

Nancy White Kelly

It is said that to laugh is better than to cry…or in my case to murder. Last Thanksgiving my Buddy gave our dog the raw dressing awaiting its turn in the oven. The dressing was in the plastic bowl that usually houses our meal left-overs. These scraps are eventually added to Rocky’s dry food. I merrily laughed at that holiday fiasco. Everybody is entitled to one mistake.

Yesterday I decided to make my hubby a chicken and rice casserole. I boiled the chicken on the stove top and removed the pan so the chicken could cool for later de-boning. While the broccoli and rice cooked in the microwave, Sam, our Siamese cat, and I grabbed a quick afternoon nap.
Sure enough, Buddy did it again. He gave Rocky the big pan of chicken parts sitting in succulent broth. My delusional husband wrongly concluded that I had been so compassionate during that cold streak as to boil fresh chicken for our German shepherd. I am generally a nice lady, but not that nice.

I held up an imaginary butcher knife in the fist of my hand imitating Norman the maniac in Psycho. I teasingly told Buddy that I felt like doing him in. Hack. Hack. He laughed and I laughed.

Mark Twain says it well:

"The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. The moment it arises, all your irritations and resentments slip away and the sunny spirit takes their place."

Buddy has been forgiven, but hopefully an acquaintance I shall call Sue will not repeat her faux paus.

Sue was waiting for a friend in a busy restaurant when her body told her that she desperately needed to pass gas. Sue didn’t want to leave her table empty while searching for the restroom. She glanced around to access her surroundings. Seated guests were chatting and the house music was playing really, really loud.

The petite and usually discreet Sue timed the expulsion of pressing gas to the rhythmic beat of the music.After a couple of songs, Sue began to feel better. She daintily unwrapped her cloth napkin and noticed that almost everybody in the room was glaring at her. It was at that moment Sue realized, to her chagrin, that she was listening to music on her iPod.

So my advice to all the Sues in Readerland, laugh aloud, say Mia Culpa, and observe your surroundings before you pass gas. And to my Buddy, the third time you mistake my grub for dog food, you will not be laughing.

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